الأربعاء، نوفمبر ٠٢، ٢٠٠٥

A Mother's Journey

Most girls grow up thinking it's the most natural thing to have a baby. Millions of women have done it and millions more will. Like most girls I thought that it's a natural and therefore relatively easy thing to do.

What we hear about motherhood varies from "you forget all the pain when you see the baby" to "it's the happiest time in your life" and "the bond between mother and child is instant and strong"...and the one I HATE the most "Oh you'll find out when you have the baby"

In this post, I'd like to share my experience of becoming a mum. An experience that I have heard echoed several times by other mums when they say "oh yeah that happened to me too"...and it left me wondering. Why don't we talk about it more?? Especially to women who aren't yet a mum? Do we perceive ourselves as members of an exclusive club...we can't tell anyone our secret...they must earn it (there's that dreaded "Oh you'll find out when you have the baby" again)

My husband and I wanted a child so badly, and when we found out I was pregnant it was pure joy. Then I went ahead and had PND (Post Natal Depression). I can tell you now I never felt so low and miserable as I did then. This was over two years ago and I'm happy to say that I'm feeling fine now. But the memory of those months has stayed with me till now.

When I was diagnosed, I was actually relieved. I was relieved because I knew why I'd been fantasizing about an accident or a fire ridding me of my life, and my pain along with it. I went mad for two months after the birth of my precious daughter. I thought "it couldn't be PND, because I can't bear to be without her...I don't want to harm her...I want to harm ME" That's how ignorant we are as a society about PND. We view all PND mums as someone who can't love their child and would probably want to harm them.

I found out that's a huge misconception. My version of PND hell was in the form of anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, no sleep, couldn't bear anyone touching my baby...sometimes even her father!! and suicidal thoughts...and of course tears...lots and lots of tears.

One of the things the therapist suggested I do to help me out of my depression was to keep a mother's journal. It was extremely helpful to me. But when I got a blog, I thought; why not share my experience? Maybe there's a lonely mum out there who's feeling the way I did, or someone who knows someone feeling this way...I just want them to know they're not alone.

Welcome to my journey.


Blogger Nilk/Leeianne said...

Hi there, Bent El Neel. I followed the link from Gates of Vienna. :)

I know what you mean when you ask why women/mothers don't talk about their own journeys more. I call it the Cone of Silence. Once you get pregnant, all the stories come out and it's like, "Why didn't somebody tell me earlier???"

I also had a dose of PND - combined with some stressful family stuff at the same time, but we can usually get past it. :) I have, and I'm glad you have.

I have the TMI Files on my blog which usually address things to do with Life and Rugrat for the same reason as you. As women, we need to let others know that it's all a part of life.

(Sorry - I have a habit of rabbiting on)

We just don't seem to have the community networks that we used to have. It's time to rebuild them.

Cheers, and good luck with your journey.

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