A Mother's Journey
What we hear about motherhood varies from "you forget all the pain when you see the baby" to "it's the happiest time in your life" and "the bond between mother and child is instant and strong"...and the one I HATE the most "Oh you'll find out when you have the baby"
In this post, I'd like to share my experience of becoming a mum. An experience that I have heard echoed several times by other mums when they say "oh yeah that happened to me too"...and it left me wondering. Why don't we talk about it more?? Especially to women who aren't yet a mum? Do we perceive ourselves as members of an exclusive club...we can't tell anyone our secret...they must earn it (there's that dreaded "Oh you'll find out when you have the baby" again)
My husband and I wanted a child so badly, and when we found out I was pregnant it was pure joy. Then I went ahead and had PND (Post Natal Depression). I can tell you now I never felt so low and miserable as I did then. This was over two years ago and I'm happy to say that I'm feeling fine now. But the memory of those months has stayed with me till now.
When I was diagnosed, I was actually relieved. I was relieved because I knew why I'd been fantasizing about an accident or a fire ridding me of my life, and my pain along with it. I went mad for two months after the birth of my precious daughter. I thought "it couldn't be PND, because I can't bear to be without her...I don't want to harm her...I want to harm ME" That's how ignorant we are as a society about PND. We view all PND mums as someone who can't love their child and would probably want to harm them.
I found out that's a huge misconception. My version of PND hell was in the form of anxiety attacks, loss of appetite, no sleep, couldn't bear anyone touching my baby...sometimes even her father!! and suicidal thoughts...and of course tears...lots and lots of tears.
One of the things the therapist suggested I do to help me out of my depression was to keep a mother's journal. It was extremely helpful to me. But when I got a blog, I thought; why not share my experience? Maybe there's a lonely mum out there who's feeling the way I did, or someone who knows someone feeling this way...I just want them to know they're not alone.
Welcome to my journey.